Forgive my weakness and forgive my sins

Everyone, look at the wonderful meal my team prepared for me! Is it not by far the tastiest-looking meal you've ever seen?

[Wow, Cecil sure sounds enthusiastic about his meal today. Overly enthusiastic, even, to the point that most of it seems faked. Just like a father loudly praising his child's particularly ugly macaroni artwork to the skies when witnesses are present.

Which is a surprisingly appropriate comparison, as the "meal" he now shows to the world only looks the part when compared to tar-coated cement. The chicken seems raw, the barbecue sauce has fuzzy grey and green bits, the pasta could be recognized as overcooked twenty paces away, the potatoes would easily replace the aforementioned cement...]

Why, it looks so wonderful, I cannot bear to ruin it with a bite! Perhaps I should freeze it, and keep it intact on a shelf as a testament to their talent-

[Multiples annoyed grumblings can heard, and a blue tentacle moves into the frame, holding a fork and waving it angrily. No, trainer, we prepared this so you could show the world our boundless talent and enjoy our efforts. You've done the first, now do the second. Or else.]

...If you all insist.

[The Pokégear is set down on the table and promptly picked up by one of the Pokémon present, allowing Cecil to appear on the screen, fork in hand. He hesitates for a few seconds, picks a piece of chicken up, brings it to his mouth, takes a wary bite...

His eyes quickly widen, and the Gear is promptly turned off just as a Lilligant calls out in alarm.]

[This would technically be a video, if there was enough light to actually see something. Cecil sounds resigned to his fate, if anything.]

I need a list of every single cave in Johto and Kanto that is not the Ice Cave, as I have to figure out where I am. The local Pokémon look strong, but- EEEEYAARGH!

[...Guess who's on the lowest level of Cerulean Cave and just met Mewtwo?]

[Some distance away, to the left of the (somewhat static-y) screen, a days-old Elgyem stands, panting and looking quite determined. To the right is a small plate, filled with tasty-looking berries. And between the two... a chair. A somewhat heavy-looking chair.

Now, a normal Pokémon would simply walk around the chair to reach the goodies, but Fu is obviously not a normal Pokémon. He's a paragon of strength and power! He's the standard by which all Pokémon should be measured! Which is why he bravely starts running and slams into the chair, in an attempt to move it out of the way.

It's quite obviously not working.]

Is that -ouch- truly normal behavior for -ow, dammit- Psychic-types?

[Poor Cecil (who will be staying offscreen, thank you) sounds completely baffled, and Fu apparently doesn't appreciate that. He turns around to look at his trainer, frowns, and literally launches himself at the protesting man. It would have been more impressive had it not been followed by a crack, a shout of surprise and a bout of wailing worthy of Whitney.]

...Does anyone know how to rid -ow- oneself of leftover static electricity? It makes dealing with him more -erk- complicated than it should be.

[All Cecil had wanted was to check on the trenches one last time before going to bed. Surely that could not hurt? Thus, a few minutes before midnight, he'd gone down to the beach. But the moment he set foot on the sand, he found himself blinded by a flash of light. A flash of light that gave way to a very different beach, all of his belongings in a pile, and a purple Pokémon he found somewhat familiar.

...Well.]

If anyone in the vicinity has any alcohol to offer, I can trade homemade sandwiches for it.

[In the foreground, one Cecil Harvey, who is holding a few TMs and staring at them thoughtfully. In the background, one Kayne the dragonite and one Mist the Swablu, apparently arguing. Mist seems to be winning.]

How do you choose which of your Pokémon receive a particular Technical Machine? Normally, I'd simply buy two copies, but those were won from Gym leaders. I doubt they have the means to give each trainer more than one.

[The argument becomes louder and louder with each passing moment. A terrified Ralts climbs on her trainer's shoulder and clings to his hair.]

...As you can see, the potential users are having a slight disagreement. If anyone has a suggestion, I'd be happy to hear it.