106th moon [audio]

[paladinlost]

To be in accordance with this world's natural laws, a whole half of my heredity should have been removed from my body. The half I inherited from my Lunarian father, to be exact. As there are only two half-Lunarians in the world, I cannot know exactly how it sets me apart from pure humans, but there is no doubt that there must have been something for this land to take away from me.

[Cecil doesn't know why he feels the need to talk about this now. His words come hesitantly, like he doesn't quite know if he wants to keep going.]

...Yet I feel no different, barring the usual loss of magic that even full humans go through. I look the same. I act the same. My skin still does not tan, no matter how much time I spend on the beach. The manner in which I age remains constant even after five years spent in this world. It's as if the absence — or presence, for that matter — of my Lunarian blood is completely meaningless, as far as my life is concerned.

[He stops for a moment, and then here it comes. The true, uncertain confession.]

I... don't know what to think of that. At all.

Comments

Audio

[a_sin_for_him]

This world is strange like that.

I experienced something similar, though the changes I expected that didn't come were less physical. It was as though what I was before didn't make any difference.

Though it should have.

Audio

[paladinlost]

Perhaps it truly does make no difference, no matter different from pure humans we supposedly are. Or maybe it does, but not in a manner that we can qualify or quantify.

[A sigh.]

Then again, we might have been expecting too much. I was unable to tell that I had Lunarian heritage for twenty years, after all.

Audio

[a_sin_for_him]

I've never come to any answer. I always knew I was something different than human. Not quite what, for many years, but everything I was told then was a pack of lies anyway.

Who knows what we should have expected.

Audio

[paladinlost]

Why would anyone bother to lie about such matters? I cannot imagine how your knowledge of your own nature would be someone else's business.

Audio

[a_sin_for_him]

It's a long and complicated story. The short version is simply that what I was happened to be useful to a vain and power hungry individual with the power to back their ambitions. If someone believes they exist simply to be a servant, they have no reason to question that.

Or seek their own freedom, if it's forever promised.

Audio

[killer_sweets]

That's honestly a hard question but maybe while you are here, your bloodties take on a more emotional connection then a physical one.

Audio

[paladinlost]

...He died before I was born. That is not particularly conducive to any emotional connection.

Audio

[killer_sweets]

That makes things a bit harder then. Since you are this beat up over it, then this is pretty important to you.

Do you know anything about you cultural history at least?

Audio

[paladinlost]

I know they lost their planet hundreds of years ago, and that most have been sleeping within the red moon since. I know they possess great magical knowledge.

[solas_ion]

No kidding. You too? [Lancer leaned his head on his hand, frowning.]

I mean, I ain't Lunarian or anything, but I was only ever half-human at most. Probably a lot less than half just before I got here.

[paladinlost]

'At most'? Your parents' exact ancestry is also unclear, then? ...Genealogy is even more of a declining study than I thought.

[solas_ion]

It's complicated. After I died, I was summoned as what my world calls a Servant--long story short, it's a spirit made of and fueled by magic. That's where 'Lancer' comes from; it's a class, not my true name. So I wasn't really even half-human so much as I was the spirit of one.

[Because that made total sense.]

But when I was still alive, my mother was a human named Dechtine, and my father was a guy by the name of Lugh Lámhfhada--he was pretty much what most people would call a god.

[paladinlost]

Would being a spirit truly change your status as half-human? My father haunts the shrine at the peak of Mount Ordeals, but that hardly makes him less of a Lunarian.

[Just a dead one.]

Your mother was also the source of your human blood, then. Interesting.

[Audio]

[callbacks]

I can't...totally relate, being more or less human myself, but. I dunno. On the other hand, I kind of know exactly what you're talking about.

[Audio]

[paladinlost]

That's not surprising. There's plenty for us to potentially lose in this world, and we cannot always see or even understand the full ramifications of that loss. Species need not be involved.

[Audio]

[callbacks]

It's not just that. I mean, yeah, I lost my crazy powers and stuff. But I was thinking more about what you said about what your bloodline means.

[Audio]

[paladinlost]

You have a complicated family history, then? Or one that comes with certain... responsabilities and expectations that might not be applicable here?

[video]

[exeggutorhead]

[As much as he's started to deal with it over the years, this hits...pretty close to home, for Envy.]

Makes you start wondering what you ever really were in the first place, doesn't it?

[video]

[paladinlost]

[Cecil nods, frowning.]

I am myself, and most of the time that's good enough. ...But every other Lunarian has left the planet, and my relatives only return in cases of great danger to the world. It's not as if I have many opportunities to ask for details, to compare myself with others.

[video]

[exeggutorhead]

Hah, no, it doesn't ever make things any easier, being the only one of you around.

[And maybe the day's getting to him too, because after a second he adds:]

I was the first one of my whole species, nobody even knew what I was. And then I was the only one here for years.

[The urge to talk lets up for the moment, and he mutters a curse under his breath before shrugging.]

Not quite the same as your situation, but...

[He sort of gets it.]

[video]

[paladinlost]

[He'd feel bad for Envy's forced honesty, really, but he's too busy being affected himself.]

Waiting for others to understand the details of your existence, for more of your species to exist... It must have been terribly lonely. I was lucky; at least learning of my heritage came with a brother and an uncle, even if they soon left.

( text )

[blazeit]

Okay, but like
who cares honestly

[ THAT WAS REALLY NICE, BAKUGOU... ]

I mean... if you think you're a moon people or whatever, if that identity is important to you, isn't that what really matters the most.

(audio)

[paladinlost]

[He'll be nice and not respond to that first part, because his reactions would be both rude and unworthy of a paladin. Alignments are a pain.]

I don't know if it's important; that's part of the problem. I don't understand what it changes about me, and the people who could make that connection valuable are in no position to answer any of my questions.

[blazeit]

Idk man. I think this isn't even the sort of thing worth thinking too hard about. Like, people are who they are. Does it really matter if you know why?? I guess if you wanted to change something about yourself, then it might be useful? But otherwise it's like. Why bother wasting the damn brain cells over it.

[paladinlost]

I don't bother wasting them, usually. But sometimes it feels as though the 'why' is the most important question in the world, even though there are no answers to be found. ...Perhaps I'm merely not keeping myself busy enough.