Cecil Harvey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
paladinlost) wrote2015-07-14 05:41 pm
paladinlost) wrote2015-07-14 05:41 pm
101st moon [video]
Ladies, gentlemen and Pokémon, this is a Public Service Announcement.
[The video shows a group of extremely nervous Pokémon. That is probably for the best, as Cecil sounds coldly furious and the sight of his face would surely not be pretty.]
As many of you know, weather moves are both learned naturally by multiple species and available as TMs at either Department Store. They have the power to set up dozens of interesting battle strategies, or to facilitate or impair travel in a pinch.
They also have the power to kill innocent plants.
[The Pokégear abruptly turns towards a vegetable garden. ...Or at least, it must have been a vegetable garden once. Right now, it's a crispy, soggy, sandy, frozen mess of murdered tomatoes and destroyed cucumbers.]
Please teach your Pokémon and teammates that certain moves should not be practiced in urban environments. Please repeat that rule to them every day, even when they should already know it. Otherwise, you might have to deal with ruined landscaping, wasted gardening hours, and over twenty Pokémon who will be grounded for the rest of their natural lives.
[Anyone still listening can practically hear said Pokémon whimper; Cecil certainly sounds angry enough to warrant it.
...But suddenly, all that fury disappears, leaving behind a paladin who sounds almost normal. Almost.]
That was our Public Service Announcement for the day. Do be careful while training, everyone, and remember that even the weakest attack can cause extensive damage to your surroundings.
[His team won't forget that in a hurry.]
[The video shows a group of extremely nervous Pokémon. That is probably for the best, as Cecil sounds coldly furious and the sight of his face would surely not be pretty.]
As many of you know, weather moves are both learned naturally by multiple species and available as TMs at either Department Store. They have the power to set up dozens of interesting battle strategies, or to facilitate or impair travel in a pinch.
They also have the power to kill innocent plants.
[The Pokégear abruptly turns towards a vegetable garden. ...Or at least, it must have been a vegetable garden once. Right now, it's a crispy, soggy, sandy, frozen mess of murdered tomatoes and destroyed cucumbers.]
Please teach your Pokémon and teammates that certain moves should not be practiced in urban environments. Please repeat that rule to them every day, even when they should already know it. Otherwise, you might have to deal with ruined landscaping, wasted gardening hours, and over twenty Pokémon who will be grounded for the rest of their natural lives.
[Anyone still listening can practically hear said Pokémon whimper; Cecil certainly sounds angry enough to warrant it.
...But suddenly, all that fury disappears, leaving behind a paladin who sounds almost normal. Almost.]
That was our Public Service Announcement for the day. Do be careful while training, everyone, and remember that even the weakest attack can cause extensive damage to your surroundings.
[His team won't forget that in a hurry.]
[Video]
Less than five.
I know about pudding cups and crunchy fruit circles. And oranges.
That's three.
I didn't know there were others.
[Video]
There's also ice cream, cookies, cake, cupcakes, pies, donuts, chocolate... And those are only the ones I'm familiar with. You could eat a different dessert every day for a year, and still not have tasted them all.
[Video]
... Really?
I didn't even know there were that many kinds of foods.
[Video]
Really. I'm a decent cook at best, and I could easily eat for weeks without repeating a single meal twice, though the variations would sometimes be minor. What do you usually eat?
[Video]
[He pauses.]
Um, mostly pudding cups, actually.
But I like the crunchy fruit circles, and also sometimes hot dogs. I don't eat the buns, though, because bread has snakes in it and will turn you into a specter.
[Video]
......
.........]
............May I ask how you've obtained your knowledge of bread? Who told you about its... snakes and specter abilities?
[Video]
[Wrath holds up his hands in a crude approximation of glasses.]
[Video]
[By 'must have been misinformed', he means 'was lying like a shady cart seller'.]
[Video]
It's probably only a matter of time.
[Video]
...After over forty years, I'll assume I'm immune. Besides, I'm sure that toasting the bread would... kill any snake present in it.
[Video]
[But, that said, Cecil may have just discovered a loophole!]
[Wrath looks intrigued, and strokes his chin with a furrowed, deeply-thoughtful brow.]
Ohhh... it's true, living organic things don't usually survive extreme temperatures....
[And he literally would not give a flip about eating DEAD snakes.]
[But that leaves one problem...]
What about the part where plasma comes out of your nose and you turn into a vengeful spirit?
Do you think toasting would fix that?
[Video]
[Let's not discriminate against non-living organic things, now.]
...As I said, I've not been turned into a vengeful spirit after over forty years of bread-eating. Toasting it properly must have spared me that fate.
[Video]
But that helps a lot.
I wonder why the man didn't mention that.
[Video]
[An alarming trick that is an obvious sign of unholy evil, but still very useful.]
Perhaps he did not know, or was not certain you'd be able to toast the bread correctly.
[Video]
Mm, he seemed PRETTY scared.
So he must not have known.
I hope he's okay.
[Video]
...No, seriously, screw that guy and his hatred speeches.]
If he was well enough to share his... knowledge with you, he must still be safe.