90th moon [video]

[paladinlost]

Everyone, look at the wonderful meal my team prepared for me! Is it not by far the tastiest-looking meal you've ever seen?

[Wow, Cecil sure sounds enthusiastic about his meal today. Overly enthusiastic, even, to the point that most of it seems faked. Just like a father loudly praising his child's particularly ugly macaroni artwork to the skies when witnesses are present.

Which is a surprisingly appropriate comparison, as the "meal" he now shows to the world only looks the part when compared to tar-coated cement. The chicken seems raw, the barbecue sauce has fuzzy grey and green bits, the pasta could be recognized as overcooked twenty paces away, the potatoes would easily replace the aforementioned cement...]

Why, it looks so wonderful, I cannot bear to ruin it with a bite! Perhaps I should freeze it, and keep it intact on a shelf as a testament to their talent-

[Multiples annoyed grumblings can heard, and a blue tentacle moves into the frame, holding a fork and waving it angrily. No, trainer, we prepared this so you could show the world our boundless talent and enjoy our efforts. You've done the first, now do the second. Or else.]

...If you all insist.

[The Pokégear is set down on the table and promptly picked up by one of the Pokémon present, allowing Cecil to appear on the screen, fork in hand. He hesitates for a few seconds, picks a piece of chicken up, brings it to his mouth, takes a wary bite...

His eyes quickly widen, and the Gear is promptly turned off just as a Lilligant calls out in alarm.]

Comments

video;

[angerpoints]

[........

.....................

... yep! This guy's probably dead. Or somewhere close to it, anyway, given the "no death" clause this world has in place. Yusuke isn't sure whether or not he'll actually get a response from Cecil, all things considered, but he figures he might as well try to check in on him anyway, since he did kind of ingest raw chicken just now. Besides, it isn't like Yusuke has anything better to do right now.]

Uh-- [Yusuke snorts. Then he snickers.] Hey. You alive over there, man?

[... Yusuke, if you're going to ask someone whether they're okay or not, you might want to try looking a little less amused at their expense as you do so. Honestly.]

video;

[paladinlost]

[Cecil's reply comes only after a few minutes, and shows the ceiling of his kitchen instead of anything actually helpful. In the background, a Butterfree is wailing.]

......Death would have removed that terrible taste from my mouth, would it have not...?

[Surely death would be that sweet and merciful to him, at this point.]

video;

[angerpoints]

[Holy crap, what is that sound? Yusuke cringes away from his 'Gear and raises his voice a notch, just to ensure that Cecil can hear him over... whatever it is that's screaming over there.]

Ugh-- probably. Probably woulda spared you the diarrhea you're gonna be having later, too.

[He squints at the screen.]

Are you on the floor or something?

[BECAUSE IT SURE LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT BE.]

video;

[majorcrotchgrab]

[For a glutton, even Raikov wouldn't touch that food. And that's saying something.]

Who the hell taught you to cook? A 3 year old?

video;

[paladinlost]

I taught myself.

[Say hello to the ceiling, Raikov, because that's all you'll get to see for now.]

But I've no idea who taught them. I intended to pretend to swallow that bite and spit it out discreetly to spare their feelings, but the taste... The taste...

[It was a taste. That's all that can be said about it.]

video;

[majorcrotchgrab]

... Oh, good. If you had taught them and they were reflecting your skills, that'd be... sad.

[video]

[awesmazings]

[...Well that couldn't have gone downhill faster.]

Woah, you alright?

[Not that that meal didn't look astounding or anything, but good gosh.]

[video]

[paladinlost]

...I want to die a quick, painless death. Please.

[There. Short, sweet and to the point. Also, that ceiling looks very nice.]

[video]

[awesmazings]

[Ah geeze, that doesn't sound good.]

Gosh, er...maybe you should go lie down for a while or something?

[And by lie down he means somewhere that's not presumably the floor.]

video;

[meikyuubutterfly]

[Okay, look. She's a glutton and loves food, but even she would ... probably not touch that unless someone forced her to do it. Health is important for idols!]

Shouldn't you be teaching them to cook everything properly instead of agreeing to even taste any of that?

video;

[paladinlost]

That was going to be my next step, but now I'm not quite certain I'll get that far.

[Because that taste. That terrible taste. Nothing can ever make it better.]

video;

[anklegandr]

You ate it, didn't you? [ So disappoint.

This is a ten year old judging him from a distance. ]

video;

[paladinlost]

Of course not.

[He actually manages to sound insulted.

In pain, mostly, but still a little insulted.]

I intended to distract them and spit that chicken out behind their backs, but the taste felt so terrible against the tip of my tongue that I could not even lie to spare their feelings.

[He might or might not have spit the chicken at an innocent Mienshao.]

video;

[usedswift]

Are you okay? What the hell was that?!

[Reasons why Tenten never encourages her Pokémon to cook.]

video;

[paladinlost]

That was my failed attempt at trying to spare their feelings. Never again.

[Brutal honesty is the way to go.]

[Video]

[babel_hacker]

[Oh god, can you even still consider that as food? Wait, he's seriously eating it...

...

Is Cecil still there, or is that "death" Pokemon Center-worthy?]

Are you still alive over there?

[Video]

[paladinlost]

[The following response comes with a lovely view of a kitchen ceiling.]

I must be. Death cannot possibly taste so terrible.

[video]

[solas_ion]

...Cec...il...?

[are you dead, buddy]

[video]

[paladinlost]

...Lancer. If this nausea kills me before I can move again, please have your Pokémon burn the whole meal and everything that has touched it.

[Consider that his last wish.]

video;

[suncrushed]

...O-Oh my! A-Are you all right, Mr. Harvey...?

video;

[paladinlost]

...I've been better, and I... possibly might have been worse at some point in my life before.

[Still, the fact that the video shows the ceiling instead of Cecil himself is rather telling.]

[Video]

[killer_sweets]

I hope you guys didn't cause him to white out. [He knows that you can't don't here, even by food poisoning.]

[Video]

[paladinlost]

...Still conscious, to my great sorrow.

[As long as his consciousness stays, so does the taste and he knows it.]

[heartofmetal]

[He's not sure if he's more amazed by the fact that the Pokémon actually cooked... or by the fact that this guy actually ate it.]

You okay?

[paladinlost]

[He should be amazed by the fact that Cecil is alive enough to answer.]

...I should be fine once the nausea subsides and the taste is replaced by another, unless life is particularly unfair.