paladinlost | 90th moon [video]

Everyone, look at the wonderful meal my team prepared for me! Is it not by far the tastiest-looking meal you've ever seen?

[Wow, Cecil sure sounds enthusiastic about his meal today. Overly enthusiastic, even, to the point that most of it seems faked. Just like a father loudly praising his child's particularly ugly macaroni artwork to the skies when witnesses are present.

Which is a surprisingly appropriate comparison, as the "meal" he now shows to the world only looks the part when compared to tar-coated cement. The chicken seems raw, the barbecue sauce has fuzzy grey and green bits, the pasta could be recognized as overcooked twenty paces away, the potatoes would easily replace the aforementioned cement...]

Why, it looks so wonderful, I cannot bear to ruin it with a bite! Perhaps I should freeze it, and keep it intact on a shelf as a testament to their talent-

[Multiples annoyed grumblings can heard, and a blue tentacle moves into the frame, holding a fork and waving it angrily. No, trainer, we prepared this so you could show the world our boundless talent and enjoy our efforts. You've done the first, now do the second. Or else.]

...If you all insist.

[The Pokégear is set down on the table and promptly picked up by one of the Pokémon present, allowing Cecil to appear on the screen, fork in hand. He hesitates for a few seconds, picks a piece of chicken up, brings it to his mouth, takes a wary bite...

His eyes quickly widen, and the Gear is promptly turned off just as a Lilligant calls out in alarm.]

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[For a glutton, even Raikov wouldn't touch that food. And that's saying something.]

Who the hell taught you to cook? A 3 year old?

I taught myself.

[Say hello to the ceiling, Raikov, because that's all you'll get to see for now.]

But I've no idea who taught them. I intended to pretend to swallow that bite and spit it out discreetly to spare their feelings, but the taste... The taste...

[It was a taste. That's all that can be said about it.]

Edited 2014-05-18 19:34 (UTC)

... Oh, good. If you had taught them and they were reflecting your skills, that'd be... sad.

Even at my worst I was more likely to burn down a kitchen than to give others food poisoning. This almost makes me wish for a burning stove.

[He actually sounds like he means that.]

You're too kind. I would've refused the food and pointed out everything wrong with it.

...A tempting option, but they outnumber me fifty-three to one.

[That also makes it a dangerous option.]

You have 53 pokemon?

I've been here for a very long time, and I've not hit the limit yet. Still, you'd think at least one of them would know how to use a kitchen...

Wow...

But they are just animals.

A chandelier is hardly an animal.

[Just saying.]

Besides, the arts are not beyond them. Neither is honest work, for that matter.

Creatures then.

[Raikov blinks]

They can be taught to do human chores...?

They can, and easily enough too. Rosie used to help me stock shelves and find products when I first arrived. Her only issue was reaching the higher ones.

Interesting... I'll have to keep that in mind.

[Too bad none of his pokemon would really be good at doing chores. They're either too tiny or don't have opposable thumbs.]

It is a very useful trait when you feel too sick to work but are still needed, as I'll soon prove once again. You should teach them as soon as possible.

... That's a good idea. I'll get on that.

Teach them how to count coins too, if they are willing to learn. That particular talent can help greatly if you are expecting a delivery or need a small item from the store.