87th moon [video]

[paladinlost]

Help! Help!

[Or was that Fable! Fable!, perhaps? Not everyone can understand the words of a panicking Clefable, after all, though the panic itself should be very easy to see in her eyes.]

Our trainer, he's still not back! It's been four days since everything stopped being weird and he's still not back!

Comments

[yoctogram]

[Twin Eevees in Everstone collars pop up on the screen] Sometimes people go away and don't come back for a long, long time.

Yeah, what Nand said. Daddy was gone for a whole month before he came back. Do you have someone else to take care of you if your trainer doesn't come back?

[Sho's Eevees had developed some fairly interesting ideas on trainers. To be fair to the twins, though, spending much time around Sho was bound to drive anyone crazy.]

[paladinlost]

But if he was gone like that, this wouldn't work at all, right?

[Or at least, that's how she thinks it works. It's not like her trainer does a lot with the Pokégear in the first place.]

We still have food, so we'll be fine for a while. But Avenger is starting to be a brat again.

[yoctogram]

I dunno. Mommy shoved all of daddy's things in the computer when he left -

Including Riemannian Zeta-Function and boy was she angry!

[The boy Eevee sighs at the interruption] so we didn't have the chance to see if it would still work. Are there any places that you think he might be? Do you have friends to help you look?

Oh, oh! Are you friends with a Snorlax? If you stick someone under a Snorlax's arm they can't be as much of a brat. Or, well, it's easier to ignore them.

[paladinlost]

He likes to visit Gyms a lot, but he doesn't do that much anymore... He also-

I bet a Snorlax ate him. You wouldn't stick me under the arm of something that ate him, would you?

[An amused Banette shoves his head in the picture, grinning at Rosie the whole time.]

Shut up, Avenger. Go bother Lia.

[yoctogram]

[Nand sits up and slicks her ears back in the same way that RZF does. It's rather weirder on an Eevee than on a Liepard.] Snorlax-es don't eat people! I know 'cause Beelze hasn't eaten anyone at all and mommy and daddy wouldn't be mad at her if she did!

[Impressionable Eevees and sociopaths make for interesting travelling.]You're just trying to scare everyone by saying that!

[Nor ignores both Nand and Avenger in favour of talking to Rosie more]Okay, well. Try contacting the pokemon of the gym trainers and see if he's been there anyway? What else were you trying to say?

[paladinlost]

That's just because she hasn't had the opportunity ye-

[And that would be when Rosie decides to push him offscreen.]

As I was saying, he has guests and he'd never be rude to the point of leaving guests alone deliberately. Not even for the pretty ladies at the Gym.

[yoctogram]

Sure she has!

[Nand sits up in indignation on the part of her Snorlax friend, only for Nor to take a cue from Rosie and sit on his sister with his front paws in her mouth. Hey, it works to stop daddy from ranting.]

Huh, okay that is weird. I still think it'd probably be a good idea to try calling around? Get your friends to have their trainers help you look? What does your trainer look like, anyway? We'll keep an eye out for him too.

[paladinlost]

He has very long pretty white hair, just like a lady, and he wears nice makeup and lipstick, just like a lady! ...But he's not a lady at all. He's supposed to be in Celadon, but we couldn't find him around here at all...

[She sounds extremely crestfallen by that.]

[yoctogram]

Do lots of ladies have white hair? Mommy's is grey, but it's really really long. Daddy's is grey too, but it's a lighter grey...more like Taboo. What's makeup?

[Belphe is not a terribly fashionable person. She's more dowdy when left to herself. Very dowdy. There are things the twins just haven't encountered.]

[paladinlost]

It's like paint, but for faces! So his lips look all purple and pretty, and his eyelids are darker than the rest of his face!

[Which is admittedly not difficult to achieve, considering his natural paleness.]

[yoctogram]

[Nor looks bemused]

Wouldn't that be really hard to wash off?

[paladinlost]

...He does spend a lot of time in the bathroom in the evenings...

[And now his whole team will be trying to spy on him during that time. How nice.]

[yoctogram]

You should get him turpentine! That's what daddy uses when he's cleaning off after painting! I don't think it works on black, though.

[Nor is trying to be helpful! His sister, though, squirms like mad and adds]

Don't be a non-integrated variable, Nor! Daddy's supposed to be black somewhere, just like we're brown and white. [They've picked up some weird insults from the nutcase they belong to.]

HEY! Don't you call me that you...you...you invariant under evolution excuse for an Eevee! [Nand shrieks in response to her brother, then bounds off]

I'M TELLING RIEMANNIAN ZETA-FUNCTION WHAT YOU CALLED ME!

Sisters are dumb. [Nor informs Rosie, seriously] Try turpentine, though. Oh, oh, or gin can work if you can't get turpentine!

[paladinlost]

Brothers and sisters can be equally bad, you know.

[She should know, she has plenty of both.]

I haven't been allowed to buy the fun products since I tried decorating the Pokémart. Would vodka work just as well? We still have some of that.

[yoctogram]

I dunno, I don't have any brothers. Aleph Null is a boy, too, but he spends most of his time glaring at Riemannian Zeta-Function and trying to convince everyone that he's a better leader than she is.

[Nor is pretty sure that one of these days RZF is going to kill him just to shut him up.]

Why didn't they want you to decorate the Pokémart? They're all the same and boring.

[paladinlost]

I bet that goes over well with her.

[Rosie isn't very good at sarcasm, but sometimes it does shine through.]

I know! We just wanted to add a little color, to brighten it up, but then all the humans there yelled at us.

[yoctogram]

Like a graph of a function crossing a vertical asymptote.

[The truly sad thing is that Nor actually knows what he's talking about. Nor, Nand, and Riemannian Zeta-Function are quite possibly the most mathematically educated pokemon around. Otherwise totally unequipped to survive, but maths they have down.]

That's dumb. You should get some other pokemon to help you get in without being seen! To cause a big distraction so that you can make it pretty before anyone notices, then go join in the distraction so they don't know it's you!

[paladinlost]

[Rosie's mathematical education is sadly lacking, but she does get the gist of that.]

...I could get Gogo to openly court the others while I work. That usually gets everyone nearby to drop everything to stop him.

[She almost shudders as she says it. The words make her feel dirty.]

[yoctogram]

You don't sound very thrilled about that. [Nor says contemplatively, tapping his chin with his paw in an approximation of how daddy does it. Eevees are not really built for that move.] It's too bad that your Gogo isn't a girl, I could send Eros after him. Eros is also creepy.

[paladinlost]

Gogo can be a girl, if he wants. Gogo can be anything he wants. We just treat him like a boy because his other trainer did.

[Horror drops from every syllable she utters. Urgh, Dittos.]

[yoctogram]

Oh. A ditto. [Nor wasn't even sure what he thought about it, but...] Well...if you can make Gogo be a girl, I bet Eros would go court...it? Her? Him? I don't know. Eros will go for anything female.

[paladinlost]

...If he's distracted by one female, will he leave the others alone?

[She has a lot of little sisters, after all.]

[yoctogram]

If that one female is paying attention to him, yes. He gets sort of obsessy over a girl until he's sure she won't pay attention to him and then looks for someone else.

[Nor rubs at one of his ears]

I can also ask Beelze and Riemannian Zeta-Function to keep an eye on him. They're really protective of girls that Eros might go after.

[paladinlost]

Gogo would definitely pay attention. Too much attention.

[But if the other party is willing...]

Frying pans work well against him, too. Especially when applied to his face.

[yoctogram]

That should work, though. We can set up some pokemon to help make sure that Gogo and Eros keep their attention on each other, and to keep the Trainers looking away from us. ...You will let me help, right?

[Nor looks pleadingly at Rosie. Sho never lets him play in the paint.]